This isn't the life I ordered…..

Maybe I should end this life.

I am tired of this daily struggle to find the will to go on. I don't know how many more days I can wake up and  go about pretending everything's fine. It isn’t. Who says money can buy you anything? Not happiness, not a reason to live.

I guess most people would call me lucky. How many would come out alive from under a fallen chimney? ……

……..Our steel plant. It was just routine inspection, kind of ordeal I went about daily. 15 workers, 3 officers died plunging along with the beams. My 2 bodyguards trying to shield me, but died. (Maya says she had given up hope of seeing me alive.) After 15 hours, the rescue team got me out, from where I lay. I wasn’t hurt. The stretcher was cold, hard. I tried to get up, but couldn’t……….
……Some blue room. Faces. Maya, doctor talking. Why is Maya crying? I am fine. She sinks into the sofa, sobbing …..
….. my bedroom, Maya, smiling. “I am there, I’ll take care.” Of what?? ”Usha, saaab ke pair pe chaadar udhao”. I am not feeling cold……
That was 2 years back. I haven’t smiled since, spoken rarely. Just signed a few documents. Maya is taking care of things. I am still the chairperson, but its Maya who is the Boss. Poor girl, was shattered when I asked her to divorce me. Has decided to grow old with me. will fulfill all my dreams. She had her own dreams: Hum do, hamare do, she would say. Living happily ever after.
We cant have kids now.
Maya talking to me. Something about giving a life to some child. I think she wants to visit a child adoption agency. Cannot blame her for wanting to be a mother…but I am useless. No, leave me alone.
Of late, I have been hearing strange noises. Joy, laughter, frolic. Afternoons and evenings. Must be the whisky.
The plant is ready. Maya has been hardly home for the last one year. She wants me to come at the commissioning, I refuse. I would prefer being left alone. I think I saw tears welling up in her eyes. She pleads again. I close my eyes.

I am a recluse now. Avoid Maya as well. I’ll be doing her a favour. She is still young. And the growing empire is hers. Why should she be unhappy because of me. Yes. The decision is correct. My revolver is in the lower drawer. I write her a letter.

I call for one of the drivers. Its Abdul. He’s got the BMW. He looks tired. Its 2 AM. Give him the letter, to be given to madam when we  return.

Ask him to take me to Lonavla. The sunrise is very beautiful at the Bootleggers valley. That’s when I shoot myself.

We start off. I ask him to to drive fast. I want to experience speed before I die. I close my eyes, lower the windows and feel the air on my face. Cell phone rings.

Maya. She is frantic. She loves me. Live for her coward!

I ask the driver to take me back.  He takes a U – turn. I tear the letter.

Dawn breaks out as we reach home. What’s that?? Noises from across the compound wall. Joyous laughter.

“Abdul, ye kya hain??”

“Bacche saab”

“Kiske?”

Hesitation.

“ Saab, anath ashram ke. Apke poorane bagiche main hain na. Maya madam roz wahan aati hain”

“Hamare ghar main?. Mujhe wahan le chalo”

What the hell has Maya done? Am I businessman or saint giving out charity?? Our CSR policy took care of all that “ 2 saal se chal raha hain. Pehle 20 bacche un mazdoor ke the, jo accident main mare gaye the. Unki patni bhi yahan kaam karti hain.”

What crap? I wasn’t responsible for their wellbeing. They must have been compensated. “ Ab kareeb sau bacche hain.”

We stop. Children all around the park – where I used to jog earlier.

I stare. Some children come close to the car. Recognize me. Soon the car is surrounded by children. Cacophony. I roll up the windows.

“Pooche unhe kya chahiye”

“ Gareeb bacche hain saab. Aaap ke karan zinda hain. Kuch nahi chahte. Sirf aapki lambi aur khushaal zindagi ki dua kar rahe hai” .

My life?? And I was about to throw it all away!

I want to say something. Cannot. Maya appears. Hugs me as I open the door. She hasn’t slept all night.

“Maya……yeh sab?” Fighting tears…..

She smiles. “ Hum do, hamare sau……”

I smile.

It’s evening. The coffee hasn’t tasted this good for a long time. The sunset is beautiful. Never mind the wheelchair.

****************************************************************************

Water rafting adventure……

I have always said that coffee, chocolate and pizza are the best things that happened to man. Some people have added woman,wine, car and cricket to the list. Today i add one more thing.

Life jacket.

For someone who cant swim, the feeling of just floating in cold water of the river without any fear is just amazing. Why, i move my hands and legs, and actually did move forward. (Though in the end, Akash towed me to the raft!!)

I finally had some adventure in my life – White Water Rafting. This was at Kundalika river, Raigad and a fairly amateur level thing – much easier compared to Ladakh and Hrishikesh. This was classified as grade 2, goes upto grade 7. Going by this experience, i have started feeling i need to get more into such adventure sports and go on to higher levels as well. After all, its fun to fall of the raft when you tackle the most difficult rapids!!!

Most of the snaps that you will see are before and after the action – one cant take snaps when when you are holding on to dear life or the raft!

But it was a fun trip, and a tiring one. And the 6.5k lunch bill that we coughed up showed how hungry (& thirsty !! ) we were….

something wrong with the album - check this : http://picasaweb.google.com/rachitst/WhiteWaterRaftingKundalikaRiverRaigad#

Truer words were never spoken...nice mail...

20 Rules in any Office
1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.
2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...
12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing..
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Rainy day musings.....

Just my luck, when i have grand plans to grow, get huge salaries, earn a lot and splurge, some idiot in the government advices India Inc. of not getting "vulgar" salaries. So much so they even want to bring in a regulation......Thank God, India Inc replied with a plain get lost!!!

Austerity on my part....i could have gone to office today by auto, but no, in line with the austerity i kept it low key and went nowhere....

Someone said its raining the zoo..!!!

As T said, i am out shopping now....well thats expected sort of.....no problems, but still uneasy...so been thinking for some time...today took concrete steps....

Some astrologers have predicted i'll be married this year..... the optimist in me today realised it could be financial year they are talking about.....

Uddhav Thackerey on NDTV - everyone should have a hobby , mine is wildlife photography (he did not add, i dont have to work for a salary)

I sent over 70 messages today.....so mom cant say i dont exercise.....

F*&%, office tommorow......

Today was a rainy day. Its been raining since saturday, but today was "Rainy Day". As in, i did not go to office, did no work (apart from some domestic help),sat back, slept, read Agatha Christie and thought...

Moods of the sky……calm, angry, beautiful…

Don't know which place

Mount. Abu

 

Bandra Bandstand

   

Airoli Bridge

 

Near Somaiya hospital

 

Under construction Worli Bandra sealink

  

Lonavla , Walwan lake

 

Clear sky, somewhere in Rajasthan

 

Goa…… Colva, Miramar

 

Sunrise in the rearview mirror….

 

View from Mumbai guesthouse….

 These do not include 2 of the best snaps i have taken, one in which the sun is setting over the Dharavi slums and another one at Boisar, sunset over the polluted sea.

Both are from the pre – digital era……