We have never met…..

You don't know me. Most of the world doesn't. But i have always been there - seeing, listening, feeling, absorbing, archiving, reacting…..

And its time i spoke. All those things bottled up have only harmed me,physically and mentally.

Its not a nice place to be in. The mind of a person. And its worse when you are helpless in situations when you what i the right thing to do, but you just don't do it.

Like, when someone else started telling me this is primary for you, that isn't, i should have told him, boss i decide what's primary in my life. i did not. At that time. At a later stage, yes, but after much irritation and yes, another provocation.

When every breath i take if likely to be controlled – by coercion or otherwise, i should stand up and say, its my life and I'll do what damn feel like doing, be it roaming late night on the streets, talking on phone, buying what i feel like, working day night, or sleeping day night, going out with someone particular, eating what i want to – ITS MY FREAKING CHOICE!!!!!!!

i don't. i just keep quite. No more. Slowly, but surely, i putting up a fight here.

I expect things. When i give, i expect something back. Something like value for money.Ok, i may not be giving what one wants, and i do not expect that back. But within the limits of what i have been doing, is it not fair on my part to expect decency? Responsible behavior? An understanding that one cannot fight this war alone? Support? And why am i being subtle with this? And is the world so self centered, it cannot grasp the hints i have been dropping all along??? Why should i suffer in silence, be angry at myself, be guilt ridden???? And why cannot i let go?? I should do that.

But i don't. I just let the minute pass, calm down, move on.

Saw “Karthik calling Karthik” yesterday. This post is an outcome of me wondering  what the other Rachit must be thinking. Not much,  guess. Nor am i two people in one, fortunately or otherwise.

My Name is Khan….

And i am not a terrorist…….neither am in an Idiot……I am King!!!

Yes, that’s precisely what SRK has conveyed….not just in the movie, but the way he leveraged the controversy (deliberate or otherwise), all the brand promotions, the show on Discovery and so on…….

Though the movie, is more than that. It’s about proving your love.

And SRK is a pro at that. Does that naturally. But to act as a patient of Autism (who just cannot express their feelings), without ever looking like a caricature or hammy, for the actor to become the character and not the other way round – is the real art.  And after doing varied roles in Swades, Chak De India, Rab ne….., Don, Om Shanti Om and Devdas, you cannot say he does the same thing again and again…….

The movie otherwise is okay dokay. A good supporting cast, a restrained Karan Johar (though its still a tearjerker - going by the girls crying around me) and some touching moments make it a watchable movie. Stupid on many counts, but fine.

Goals for next year…..

Interesting question in the appraisals form. The toughest one to answer.

So i called up a friend….and decided what to put in.

But before that i made a lovely discovery – i have no goals, not for next year, not for next 5 years, not for life…..

Aisa nahi hain, i thought, i do have plans/goals, which can be aligned with my career goals as well. For example, if i set my eyes on buying a house, a car, and getting married (in that order) by say, end of next year, i’ll need – cash, credit worthiness – which translates into higher salary, growth, promotion, alternate plans, own business and so on. For this, i just don't need a push from external factors – but also from within. Developing skill sets, focus, networking, articulation, holistic view of things, leadership,team building, mentoring and so on….

But these are short term goals. A question interviewers always ask – where do you see yourself 10 years from now? I have no answer to that now……but i think i seriously need one…..

Searching for me……

Where am i???????? This was in 1989 i guess…….